I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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