i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
