woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize