I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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