HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
