I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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