This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
