i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
