I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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