I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
We left an ass print on the piano.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
