I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
