Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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