i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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