all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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