I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
