I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
