There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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