About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
