Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
