I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
