allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
The adults are the big ones right?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
