So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
