is your mom at the bar?
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
