Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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