i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize