i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
