I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
