..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Randomize
