I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
