last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
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