I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
You are a genius and a whore.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
