I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
