In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize