My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
