He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
