just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
