A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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