is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize