What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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