are you so shy because you have an std?
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
