Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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