Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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