At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
It's blow job season.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
