so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize