So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
No...this little piggys going to the bar
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
