you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
