he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
