she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
