So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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