Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i will never coherently bang her
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
