Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
