Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
