dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize
