I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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