She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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