Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
only if we run a train.
done.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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