I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
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