nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
