Tell her she can't have a vagina
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
