She said her name was "party"
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
