...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
