I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
you inspire me to be a worse person
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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