these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
