just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
