Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
