you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
