Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
