Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
