When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
