Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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