Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
