Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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