I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
