I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
