You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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