all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
