All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
lets start a swedish sibling band together
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
