thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize