he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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