my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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