We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
