The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
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