just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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