He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
