i will never coherently bang her
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
