I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
