sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
