So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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