Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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