At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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