just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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