seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize