Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
