The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
