Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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