My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
false alarm, still single
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