tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
The feeling are messing with the penis
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
