DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
are you so shy because you have an std?
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
