so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
