I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize