everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
