i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Come on in and take your pants off
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
