I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Randomize