Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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