so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Randomize
