I wish I could teleport
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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