we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
