i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
