I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
